I'd rather you didn't. vs I'd rather you wouldn't (2025)

Someone read my post on a website, and he asked me if it’s OK to post it on another website. I don’t want him to do so. In that case, which is correct?

1. I’d rather you didn’t.
2. I’d rather you wouldn’t.

suzi br said:

drop any hint of uncertainty

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Well, why not simply say "NO!". Obviously, the uncertainty is there for a reason: to add a tone of politeness. "I'd rather you didn't if you don't mind"--Doesn't that sound more polite than "I really do not want you to post it"?

takashi0930 said:

Someone read my post on a website, and he asked me if it’s OK to post it on another website. I don’t want him to do so. In that case, which is correct?

1. I’d rather you didn’t.
2. I’d rather you wouldn’t.

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Hello takashi0930

I think it would help if you gave

reasons for choosing one or other of the sentences. Then we can comment on which is better.

What do you think the difference is between the two?

Skatinginbc said:

Well, why not simply say "NO!". Obviously, the uncertainty is there for a reason: to add a tone of politeness. "I'd rather you didn't if you don't mind"--Doesn't that sound more polite than "I really do not want you to post it"?

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Yes, I do understand about politeness, but it is not clear. It all depends how strongly you feel.

I'm interested by this, because I'd rather you wouldn't was quite a common form in this sort of context two hundred years ago, particularly perhaps in AE.

It's to be found often in AE literature, eg:

"I'd rather you wouldn't volunteer, Dan," said O'Neil.

"Why?"

"You might get hurt." Rex Ellingwood Beach » The Iron Trail: An Alaskan Romance » Chapter 14.

"You'll do nothing of the sort, Billy!" exclaimed Betty, as she detained the girl, who had already started from the room. "Amy doesn't wish it. Besides, I think Alice will be sorry enough later for what she has done."

"I had rather you wouldn't go to her," spoke Amy, quietly. Laura Lee Hope » The Outdoor Girls of Deepdale » Chapter VI. The Leaky Boat.

The ngrams illustrate how idiomatic the usage used to be, more current than I'd rather you didn't back in the 1840s.

Yet quite a few reasonably experienced natives have never heard the form at all, it seems.

My guess.
didn't = on a regular basis
wouldn't = in the future

1. I’d rather you didn’t do it. = My wish is that you not do it at all.
2. I’d rather you wouldn’t. = My wish is that you not do it in the future.

How come I see it that way?

I wish you understood me. = present
I wish you would understand me (after I my having been there). = in the future

Ivan_I said:

My guess.
didn't = on a regular basis
wouldn't = in the future

1. I’d rather you didn’t do it. = My wish is that you not do it at all.
2. I’d rather you wouldn’t. = My wish is that you not do it in the future.

How come I see it that way?

I wish you understood me. = present
I wish you would understand me (after I my having been there). = in the future

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I'd agree that the distinction you've identified there works with "I wish you didn't" vs. "I wish you wouldn't", but I don't think it does if you use "rather".

To me, "I'd rather you wouldn't" just sounds a bit odd, and I wouldn't personally use it.

Ivan_I said:

My guess.
didn't = on a regular basis
wouldn't = in the future

1. I’d rather you didn’t do it. = My wish is that you not do it at all.
2. I’d rather you wouldn’t. = My wish is that you not do it in the future.

How come I see it that way?

I wish you understood me. = present
I wish you would understand me (after I my having been there). = in the future

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The version with "would" has all the ambiguity associated with "will". It could be simple futurity or have to do with "your" mindset, etc.

Apparently, it was often used in the 1800s for simple futurity, even for one time. It was quite a fad for awhile to try to match up "will" + infinitive with the synthetic future tenses of Latin and its daughter languages. In those days, English speakers used to say things like "when he will have finished" (as in French, for example) where today we would usually say "when he gets done" or "when he finishes".

In the English of today, "I wish you would understand me" suggests you probably don't want to understand me, or at best that you have a tendency to not understand me.

Similarly, "I'd rather you wouldn't post" suggests that you have a habit of, or at least a propensity toward, posting, and I prefer that you restrain yourself.

So only "I'd rather you

" fits the context of #1.

takashi0930 said:

Someone read my post on a website, and he asked me if it’s OK to post it on another website. I don’t want him to do so. In that case, which is correct?

1. I’d rather you didn’t.
2. I’d rather you wouldn’t.

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In this context, I agree with Sound Shift, only I'd rather you didn't would be something I could say (in British English).

There might be other contexts in which I could say either, though, as the ngrams (#8) suggest, I'd rather you wouldn't is much rarer than I'd rather you didn't on the lips of most people.

Ivan_I said:

If a person said:
- I will post!
- I'd rather you wouldn't. (Would it be OK?)

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No. Not in BE.

Ivan_I said:

If a person said:
- I will post!
- I'd rather you wouldn't. (Would it be OK?)

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Both sentences are equally strange, without supporting context.